So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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