some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
