I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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