soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
