I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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