The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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