wrigley field is MILF paradise
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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