Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
