So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
