dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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