he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
