I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
