i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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