yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
