i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
