Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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