oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
