I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
