Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
