It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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