Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
