guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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