come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
