Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
