Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
