I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
