My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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