When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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