You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
