Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
