I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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