If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
