I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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