That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
