I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
