shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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