I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
