Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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