After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
