Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
