It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
