Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
