I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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