Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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