omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
