New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
