Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
