What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
