So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
