after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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