This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
