hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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