woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
