She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a search helicopter?!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
