the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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