Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
